moroccomole knew about this thing that I didn't. And what he knew was that if you send Michel Gondry some money and a jpeg he will paint a little watercolor version of that picture.

So MM sent Michel Gondry a picture of us from the day we got married last summer.

The wedding happened at the La Brea Tar Pits and the reception at the Farmer's Market in front of Bob's Coffee & Doughnuts. This is a picture that was snapped of us then, turned into a bizarre little painting by Mr. Gondry.

I appear to be the hulk-bodied, peanut-headed, red lady-lipped outcome of the time when the guy from "The Hills Have Eyes" put a baby into Sloth from "The Goonies." MM has had his head squeezed in a vise, stolen the cat-eyes glasses from Lynda Barry's cartoon mother and traded in his teeth for four white fangs.

In other words, I LOVE IT A LOT. LIKE A LOT A LOT. Thanks, Michel Gondry.

Hey guys,
I've been a fair-weather (and deary weather when I need to) commuter for years and have never managed to boot a few specific fears and anxieties. I still tense up whenever I go over bumps or irregularities even though my semi-slick tires can totally handle them. I'm paranoid that a car is going to slide into my bike lane and hit me, or materialize out of nowhere from an empty cross street and t-bone me. I also tap my brakes when going down moderate hills so I don't go more than 25 mph, and hate biking across the bridge when it's windy because I think I'm going to be pushed into traffic.

I bike in Portland, which has fairly bike-aware drivers and lots of bike lanes. I wear a helmet, decent lights and follow laws. Some of this stems from when one of my good friends was in a serious bike accident last fall and now has a rod in her femur. She does "everything right" and still was hit. Learning how to drive a car and discovering that I could trust both my reaction time and other drivers (more or less) helped some, but biking to work is still a source of anxiety.

Do you seasoned, chill commuters have any advice? Should I go cruise down some dirt hills and practice falling? Take the bus partway and slowly increase my traffic time until I'm biking the whole way?

I actually do have an anxiety disorder and take meds and see someone for it, in case you think my litany of somewhat-rational fears is worth a psych visit.

Thanks, all.

ohi

Nathan, soon to be on T, post-social-transition, almost 21-years-old.
( bok bok bok )

"Is it that alright with you?
Yeah.
Give my gun when it's loaded."

I am wondering. I am thinking. Running away sounds about right. Now.
I  am not a runner. But I need to disappear.
I need to feel a little different. More.

Yesterday: Haircuts, lunch out, my father's 77th birthday and therefore much homesickness for Texas. Laundry, movie night at home, too much coffee before bedtime.

Coffee before bedtime + scary apocalyptic movie with creepy home invasions (Knowing, with Nicholas Cage) = sleeping poorly and waking early to find more coffee.

Also: Had purple spiky hair yesterday. That was fun. Nicole really dug the purple.

Hey guys. I had an amazing day today, and I wanted to share :)

So, I went to a movie tonight (Transformers: Return of the Fallen. Epic film) and on my way to the bus some guy asked me for a lighter. He "bro'd" me, which is no big feat as it happens often... until I talk that is. I have a very high voice, and I have difficulty lowering it with out mumbling incoherently. So I usually avoid talking in situations like this. Anyways. So I handed him my lighter, and noticed he only had a little stub of a cigarette. Being the nice guy I am, I risked the pronoun switch from him and offered a smoke. He still referred to me as "bro" or "buddy" He got on the same bus as I did, and we had a whole conversation. Never once did his pronouns switch. Now, he may be an ally and may have picked up on it all, regardless I'm happy about it.

Fast forward to after the movie, waiting for the bus home.
Some other random guy sparked convo with me. Once again I was "brother" or "guy" It was very exciting for me.

This is the first time that male pronouns and the like have stuck when talking to strangers for me. Usually I get a pronoun drop, which is better than a switch I guess. But not today. No sir, today I was able to just be me, and not feel discouraged. (Though I did have to duck out of the bathroom at the theater... due to a shy bladder)

I'm not posting this for congrats or validation. I'm posting this story to share a good day with people who understand just how bad a bad day can be, and appreciate how this would make a guy feel good. Also, in hopes that another guy who has some trouble passing their voice will hold on to some hope, that right when you think it's hopeless til hormones, life will find a way to surprise you, and keep ya smiling.

Peace,
Andrew

I've just had top surgery, and I'll be at least a couple months on testosterone by the time I'm looking to study abroad next spring. I'm researching different programs in South America as well as a couple in the Dominican Republic, and wanted to know if anyone has any experiences to share about living abroad as FTM in a S. American country or the D.R.? I'd most likely to be living with a host family. My passing ability right now in the states is pretty good but it can swing either way, although that may improve with the T. I'd be able to get most if not all my paperwork changed by then to read my gender as male.
Does anyone have any success stories of living abroad in S. America? Countries or areas of countries that may be safer or less safe for someone who may not be passing 100%? It seems like it would be easier to pass as male as a foreigner, but I am also concerned about possible emergency situations. I don't want to have to disclose to a host family if I don't have to, but I also don't want to end up in a situation where not disclosing could be dangerous.
I guess I am mostly looking for some reassurance that I'll be able to study down there without my trans status becoming a big issue. I'm depending on my parents for financial support for schooling so I'd also like to be able to back up my argument for studying abroad with personal stories from other guys.

this entry pretty much tells the tale of the 2003 blackout from my vantage point.
what those who weren't directly affected by it need to realize (and i think this includes many of my chicagoan friends) is that it was HUGE. whole regions went dark like a string of christmas lights in series circuit. and based on how scared folks were at first, and reactions to massive power losses in the 1970's (last major blackout in nyc was back then, and included massive looting), the fact that folks in the city held it together was amazing. i think that this is one of the things folks forget about 9/11 -- especially in the first couple of years post-attack, new york city became more like a small town, or a series of small towns. people spoke to one another and helped one another out -- even strangers. it was pretty incredible. and there i was, crashing with someone i performed with but didn't know too well, who typically didn't let anyone sleep over, EVER.

and on the streets people were partying. and giving away food, and liquid. and we were sparkly, and we had fun.

much better than all the other stories i could tell about finding a bunch of candles and trying to study by them.

Finally updated my Live Journal profile. It said I was still 25. If only!

Hey guys! :3


I am now going to attempt to type out my experience with Dr. Curtis. It would have helped immensely for me to read something like this before seeing him, but no-one seems to bother - but I am. 8D

Also - I am currently in the process of filing an official complaint with my local PCT about their refusal to fund my referral to Charing Cross when I was 18-years-old, as well as seeking their support to fund my prescription. All is going well so far, I am being taken seriously and have been in contact with a lovely woman who has been great with working around my anxiety.

(For those who do not know - Dr. Curtis is a private Gender Specialist who runs his own clinic, 'The London Gender Clinic.' He is also a transman.)


( Chopchopchop )




Basically - I should have T in about a month! :'D

so i'll just say this for the minute: even now, every time i think of doctor horrible's sing-along blog, i get "someone keeps moving my chair" by they might be giants stuck in my head.

*shakes head*

which reminds me: i need to upload flood to iTunes.

The Episcopal Church gathers every three years. This year there is more discussion of trans issues than ever before, including resolutions to add gender identity & expression to the national nondiscrimination canons. (Our church laws.) You can keep up with what's going on by following the TransEpiscopal blog.

A daily video is coming out from the Episcopal LGBT organization, Integrity, and today's has a segment from a young FTM delegate from Rhode Island speaking.

Video behind cut, because I'm like that.

( Read more... )

I think there should be a geek_rage or techie_rage along the lines of queer_rage or feminist_rage.

Sometimes I want to explode with fury at my nontechnical coworkers.

I'm having my first cup of coffee at home all week. Winston and Charlotte are my desk company - watching birds. Hard to believe that just about three years ago they were both tiny, tiny kittens and Winston was on the brink of death. What a set.

Nicole (and I) spent about an hour on the phone last night with someone from Disney making dinner reservations for our vacation. You can make dinner reservations up to 90 days out. We're about 75 days away from our vacation and nearly all of our first choice restaurants already had no availability. Since the invention of the dining plan, competition to get in to find a place to eat is fierce. I wonder what all the people who don't know that do when they get to the park? They said sometimes the wait can be hours to find something to eat. This vacation is taking a LOT of planning.... And I can't wait. Now I'm spending a lot of time on AllEars reading reviews.

Today: Going to an open house, searching for a place to raise a child together. Excited! The house has the right amount of land and is cute-looking, but we;re worried that it isn't any larger than our current house. Expanding a family as large as ours is already will definitely require an upgrade shortly.

And we both have a front runner as a choice of name for the baby (of either gender) ... and still months away from starting to try. Getting things in order takes time.

real quick....

had a busy day. went to the driving range with my dad. talked about air traffic control schools some more.

new information:
- there's a chance i'll end up going to a school called Beaver, in Pennsylvania instead of Alaska.
- and i'll have to get a pilot's license to get my tower rating.

translation? i need to learn to fly a fucking airplane AND get a license for it if i want to work up in a tower some day.

... this is exciting, yet terrifying all at the same time.

out of town till Monday.
peace.

Text: John 6:22 –63
( Preaching )
#7 Blessed is the lion that the man shall eat, so that the lion will become human. Cursed is the man whom the lion shall eat, and the lion will become human.

#108 Whoever drinks from my mouth will be as I am, and I shall be that person, and the hidden things will be revealed to that person.

What you eat and drink becomes you and you become what you eat and drink. If you eat and drink life you become life and life becomes you. "The kingdom is within you and outside you." So often we can't detect the land of spirit because we are so stimulated by the land we have created. We must take time turn away from the stimulation that would keep us hungry spiritually. We need to eat the flesh and drink the blood of life. We must stop and become connected to the kingdom within and without – becoming the kingdom and living true life.
( More Preaching )
Stop. Eat and Drink the truth of each other. Then stop some more and eat and drink the truth of those who we have not yet met. When you eat and drink the flesh and blood of the Presence, you eat and drink Life. And that's what Jesus came to give – Life, and that more abundantly.

So today at my dumb OB class, we couldn't do what was scheduled, and instead were in class for 8 hours watching birthing videos. I left to go to to the bathroom.
The instructor was not in the class, but in another room, a bit down the hall on the way to the classroom. She saw me as I walked past and said "Mr. X! I wanted to tell you, I read your file, and I know about your condition. Your secret's safe with me, and this is totally confidential. If you want to talk with me about your condition, I am very, very open minded to this. I just find you fascinating. Tell me, are you a hermaphrodite or is it just a born in the wrong body thing?"

I tried like 55 times to LJ cut this. Then I had my buddy try it. The rest of the story is in the first comment on the page. Please continue reading...